Perhaps by now my book will be published. Actually, it was published and on the market for five days, when it was brought to my attention that there were grammatical and punctuation errors in the book (so like me) that far exceeded any acceptable mistakes, I took it off the market for additional editing. But before that happened, my plan was to write blogs that paralleled the stories, events, and people in my book.
I wrote blogs about how abuse affects children, embedding both vulnerability and a mistrusting hardness into the developmental core of the child. I wrote about the common denominators between myself and Marilyn Monroe that would elicit a felt sense of the familiar, which as I look back I can see attracted her step-son, Joe DiMaggio Jr. to me, a seventeen-year-old ignorant waif. I wrote about my own substance abuse and the many people that I had lost through out my life to addictions. In the middle of writing about addictions and the people that I had lost to the disease, the hungry ghost of addiction took the life of my own daughter. It will take me awhile to sort through all of my thoughts and feelings surrounding her sudden death. Lastly, I wrote about the myriad of people, places and things that I had made into gods with a small “g”.
I am so pleased to have found balance in my book between the dark and the light, the pain and the grace that has filled my life. Contrary to what many people think, it is not the abuses or the hardships that I recall– it’s the wonderment of all of the ways I have been blessed.
While I was getting my degree in theology at a catholic university, the program required that we have spiritual direction, a God guidance and inquiry by a spiritual mentor. In flushing out my most deeply held spiritual beliefs, Sister Alexandria asked me reflection questions like, “Why did you decide on that course of action?” or “How did you know to do that?”
I always responding by saying, “It directed me.”After a year of weekly “chats,” one day Alexandria said, “Do you think that you could start calling ‘It’ God?”I said, “No, I’m not comfortable calling my “It’ God, because maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.”
I know some people would call my experience “God.” Others might call it intuition, or good old common sense. I have never known the origin of my “It” but I can tell you this for certain, when I am not into an active addiction–alcohol,sugar, shopping, studying or zoning out on television–I have a powerful source within that guides me to people and places that I never dreamed possible.
I believe that everyone has access to this guidance regardless of their spiritual or religious beliefs. A Catholic nun wanted me to refer to this beautiful something as god with a capital “G”. She didn’t care that I was not a practicing Catholic; she simply believed that God’s hand was guiding my life.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all could be so affirming toward one another? My “take away” from the Catholic university was that I was soundly affirmed in my abiding belief in the mystery that remains unnamed to me.
Throughout his life, the highly respected catholic priest, Father Thomas Merton was interested in Buddhism, Hinduism, and Sufism and of course, the great Catholic mystics.
“Merton was not interested in what these traditions had to offer as doctrines and institutions, but was deeply interested in what each said of the depth of human experience.” Wikipedia.
Wouldn’t it be a magnificent shift in our collective human consciousness if we could affirm and support each other on our respective spiritual journeys regardless of different perspectives? What if we just listened to one another’s perspective from a place of compassionate curiosity without having an agenda?
Beginning in early childhood, an angel visited me speaking to me in words that could not have come from my own mind. I named her J. Marie because as a child I named everything including the Dempsey dumpsters that fed me abundantly. I will tell you about J. Marie one day in another bog, but first I want to write about the angels in my life disguised as women, the kind with real skin that hides their wings from human eyes. Three of the four women/angels that I write about in my next few blogs are mentioned in my book. Ironically, I have no trouble believing in, talking about and describing the angel that appeared to me as a child, or the helpers along the way that I believe were sent by the powers that be, it is god, the one with a capital “G” that I have trouble talking about or describing.
May each of you find your own version of god with a capital, “G” whether it be a He, She, It or an angel with wings─a something, an aspect of the mystery that holds you up when life makes no sense or when you are in need of direction. Blessings to you as you proceed in your path in this life as you experience the depth and breadth of human experience.
Do you believe in angels?
Have you ever experienced the presence of an angel?
What about the people that came into your life at exactly the right time?
Was that just a coincident or help from something greater than yourself?