Perhaps by now my book will be published. Actually, it was published and on the market for five days, when it was brought to my attention that there were grammatical and punctuation errors in the book (so like me) that far exceeded any acceptable mistakes, I took it off the market for additional editing. But before that happened, my plan was to write blogs that paralleled the stories, events, and people in my book.
Archives for April 2012
As my eyes slowly focused on the moving window, I realized that it was the rocking of the boat that was causing the movement, not my hangover. My sense of relief was short-lived; I tried to recall the night before, and couldn’t. I remembered the guests that we had invited for dinner coming down the stairs into the boat’s galley. What else, what else? But no matter how hard I focused, absolutely nothing else would come to mind. Terror slowly began to creep through my body like strangling vines. What had I done? What had I said? Had I embarrassed my husband? Was he angry or disgusted with me? Oh God. Shame flooded me, and I could feel my heart beating in my head.
As if the use of drugs and alcohol or participation in an addiction/attachment were not problematic enough, the in-between times can be even more painful to deal with, both for the addicted person and those around them. The experience is like shadowboxing (sparring with an imaginary opponent)—you can never actually connect with an addict while they are moving toward the drug of choice, and addicts can’t connect with themselves when they are preoccupied with the thing that has captured their energy.
Once an attachment to alcohol, pills, food, pornography, gambling, religion, etc. crosses the line into an addiction, all available energies of the addict are pulled inward, rendering him or her unavailable for emotional intimacy. Their attention is focused entirely on the next time they will be able to self-soothe with whatever the thing is that has captured them. Total self-centeredness is the predominant state of being. Once they enter into the addictive cycle, addicts become like an elusive and hollow shadow.
I thought I was through writing blogs about addictions, which was totally unrealistic since the components of this topic appear to be endless.
According to Gabor Mate, MD, author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts “Any passion can become an addiction; but then how to distinguish between the two? The central question is: who’s in charge, the individual or their behavior? It’s possible to rule a passion, but an obsessive passion that a person is unable to rule is an addiction. And the addiction is the repeated behavior in which a person keeps engaging, even though he knows it harms himself or others. How it looks externally is irrelevant. The key issue is a person’s internal relationship to the passion and its related behaviors.”